Slumber Party Survivor

In retrospect, it wasn't that bad.

But while I was deep in the thick of it, I have to admit, I didn't think I would make it.

Slumber Party 2009: A Re-Cap

To start with, the terms of the deal were very explicit. William could invite five friends and I had total veto power. Luckily, William gravitates towards nice kids in general, so pretty much all of his picks got a thumbs-up from me.

The one pre-sleepover drama involved a kid I'll name Zeke. (Just randomly choosing a name here. But, seriously, wouldn't Zeke be an awesome name for a third grader? Zeke would be the only kid in the class with a long, shaggy beard and a moonshine still out back behind his house. --This kid, by the way, does not have a beard. Or a tendency to make moonshine--that I know of.)

Anyway, shortly after he was invited, Zeke declared he wouldn't come because William had invited his Arch Enemy. Poor William was so disappointed. But, honestly, I was kind of glad. Because my original plan was for William to invite five kids and end up with just four attending. I didn't care how it happened. Sickness. Conflicting plans. Arch Enemy problems. All the same to me. Four kids was the plan. And my plan was working perfectly. Mwah-hah-hah-haaa...


So, on the day of the party, we are rushing around cleaning up. (Yes, I know. Futile and Pointless.) The first child arrives right on time. (I will name this one Cutie Pie. Because he is a super little cutie pie with glasses. And I just wanted to gobble him up.) His parents were clearly a little nervous but also excited at their little Cutie Pie's first sleepover. He brought his teddy bear. (Awww....)

The next three kids arrived in kind of a blur. The next to show up was a kid I'll just call B.P. (I'll explain more about that later.) Next was Zeke's Arch Enemy, followed by The Friend I Like Best. I was so glad that TFILB showed up. He was running a little late, so I was worried he might not show. And, as you might have guessed, he is the friend I like the best. --I believe he brought a big, stuffed tiger.

(By the way, I just love that just about all of these kids brought a special thing to sleep with. I mean, they are in third grade, and they are HUGE, but they are still little enough to need a lovey--and they are not ashamed. In fact, Arch Enemy brought his old baby blanket with the edges worn off. So sweet.)

Once everyone arrived, we started in with my one and only game: "Find Godzilla." It was a take on a game I'd done for one of Henry's parties called "Find the Treasure Chest." And, frankly, the kids loved it so much (and it was so EASY) that I thought we'd do it again. Very simply put: I hide the Godzilla-shaped pinata somewhere in the yard, and they have to follow about ten ridiculous clues until they find it. It ate up about 30 minutes. Only 16 more hours of party to go.

Anyway, after they find the pinata, we hang it, and they beat the living daylights out of it. Super fun.

NEXT! Pizza.

The delivery man arrived perfectly at 6:30, and I loaded the boys up with (as William calls it) "The Papa John." William loves The Papa John. It's the fanciest pizza in town.

NEXT! Birthday cake. Lamest birthday cake I have EVER made. Usually I go waaaaay overboard and make these super thematic cakes. This year: not so much. Chocolate cake with white icing. Rectangular shaped with a "pillow." I said it was a bed. Get it? Sleepover? Bed? Not that brilliant. --I did let the boys cover it in jellybeans as a consolation, though, and that seemed to work.

Then we opened birthday presents...pretty much all Legos, which was super fine by William. Then I shoo'ed them outside to burn off that delicious jellybean bed cake. But they wouldn't stay out there. They kept coming in asking to play with the Legos.

Noooooooo...Go outside! Run around! Get tired!

Finally, I caved. But only after Arch Enemy came running into the house to report that William and Henry were "punching each other and freaking out and screaming." Greeeeat.

So, it's my kids. I thank Arch Enemy and then go out and pull Henry (aka "Animal from the Muppets") off William and send him inside with all appropriate sterness. I then whisper some magic words about pulling himself together into William's ear, and, miraculously, he does. I then go inside to contend with the beastly Henry.

The evening passes without further incident. My only complaint is that these children would NOT play outside. I needed them to be exhausted. I needed them to be worn out. They were not wearing themselves out...

Finally, the clock reads 9:00 and I decide it's sufficiently late to start the movie. I pop in the longest and most boring of the original Star Wars movies (The Empire Strikes Back), hoping that by the end, they will all somehow just magically fall asleep. (HEY! A girl can dream...)

As the movie begins, I shamelessly eavesdrop on their commentary. I learn that Cutie Pie says the word "stupid" waaaaay too much. And so does BP:

"C3PO is stupid!" "Chewbacca is stupid!" "Yoda is sooooo stupid!"

I have to bite my tongue from saying, "No, YOU'RE stupid! Yoda is SMART. And C3PO speaks, like, a million languages. And I'll have you know that Chewbacca is LOYAL. Ok, that's called loyalty. Not stupid. And also we don't say "stupid" in this house. Because it's not nice. --Stupid."

And while I don't actually say these things, my mental meltdown helps me realize that I'm a little more tired than I thought I was... Only 12 more hours to go.

Finally, the movie ends and I shoo the boys upstairs to their sleeping bags that I have laid out in a manner that I hope is most conducive to actual sleep. (Nope. It didn't work.)

11:28 - The boys are in their sleeping bags. --I say, "You can talk all you want as long as you are quiet and I don't hear you."

12:30 - I have somehow managed to fall asleep, but I hear the sound of five pairs of feet tip-toeing down the stairs. "We're too hot up there. Can we sleep in William's room?" "...mmmm....Sure...That's fine. Just be quiet..."

1:30 - George gets up and does the Daddy-Style: "You boys need to settle down in there, you hear me?" "Yes, sir...." (giggle, giggle)

5:30 - George goes in again and says in a super-groggy voice. "Why are you two still awake?? Go to sleep."

7:30 - Everyone is up and awake except me. I drag my bee-hind out of bed, remembering that TFILB's mom said that she was coming to get him at 8:00. --Grrrrrrr....Not cool. I make the world's sloppiest chocolate chip pancakes to the mantra, "Never again, never again, never again, never again..."

The boys finally all are gone by 10:45, but the morning hours ticked by ever-so-much more slowly than the evening hours had. The boys are cranky and bickering, and my "nice mom" face is showing a lot of cracks. I wonder how awful I would be feeling if the boys had actually been as naughty as my friends and I were at our slumber parties. Because these boys really were quite good.

Nobody stuck pretzels up anybody's nose while they were sleeping. Nobody put anybody's underwear in the freezer. Nobody dared anybody to run outside nekkid. Nobody scared the snot out of anybody with Bloody Mary stories or played the ever-terrifying "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board."

I know I got off easy. Which is good. Because I'm never doing it again.

NEVER.

PS. Oh, I never explained BP's name. Well, let me just say that this kid probably eats a lot of fiber. And he has a digestive tract that any 50 year-old man would envy. I know all of this because, generally speaking, little boys don't flush. And in the course of 12 hours, this particular little boy dropped two such loads that fairly knocked me off my feet. Hence the name, "Big Pooper." --BP for short.